Whats up sports fans. Labarba is busy studying for LaFinals so I’ll be taking over his football picks blog this week. Ah to be in my early 20s and cramming for Basics of Accounting exams. Those were the days.
NFL Season is coming up on the home stretch. It’s time to separate the pretenders from the contenders. And then do it all over again next week! The playoff picture is getting a little bit clearer as teams are starting to get eliminated each week. On to the picks.
THE GREATNESS @ Miami Dolphins
Ah yes the greatness of Carson Palmer is starting to be realized. He was on track to becoming the next Troy Aikman [via generic big jock face] before the cheap-shot Steelers completely derailed his career. He looked pretty good against the Bears defense but his team was aided by the complete suckitude of one Caleb Hanie. Dolphins have been playing way over their heads the last month and The Greatness needs to stay ahead of Denver.
PICK: THE GREATNESS
Buffalo started out on fire but have been shitting the bed since LaBarba’s “midseason awards” blog post. Can we have a LaCurse de LaBarba? I hope Stevie Johnson mocks CJ2K if he scores a TD by juking aimlessly 2 yards in the endzone and then falling down. Maybe have a couple $100 bills fall out of his pants or some such.
PICK: BUFFALO BILLS
Kansas City Chiefs @ Da BearsDa BearsDa BearsDa BearsDa Bears
I don’t even think their own mothers are excited about watching a quarterback duel between Tyler Palko v. Caleb Hanie
PICK: CHICAGO BEARS
WWTD? How about lead his team to AFC West division title?!?! As you all know (actually you wouldn’t) I have a bet with Chicago friend that Tebow will throw 50 TD passes by the end of this 5th NFL Season. 37 left to go! With my luck Jared Allen will roll into his right knee next Sunday. Oh Lord I’m Tebowing right now.
PICK: DENVER BRONCOS
Who Dey Bengals @ Pittsburgh Steelers aka Dirty MFers
Is Big Ben still considered an elite QB? That guy plays up his injuries more than anyone else in the league. It’s disgusting. On the other side of the ball, the Steelers are a bunch of Suhs; tryna get away with whatever they can. Sucker punch there, helmet hit there. Cincinnati has always had an inferiority complex with the Steelers. They’ve always been the little guy getting bullied. I’m not feeling good about this one.
PICK: PITTSBURGH STEELERS
The Carolinah Panthahs @ Tampa Bay Bucs
Cam Newton’s recent success as the ultimate buzz-quarterback has me very giddy over the prospected of RG3 being selected in the Top 5 overall in next year’s NFL Draft. Cam may not win games, but he definitely makes the Sportscenter Top 10 highlights which sells hella jerseys and luxury suites. Josh Freeman is so last year.
PICK: TAMPA BAY BUCS
Indianapolis Colts @ New England Patriots
This would have been the game of the week if the Colts weren’t so poorly mismanaged/built/coached/everything. The thing that pisses me off the most about the Colts tanking is that now all “pro-Peyton” twits will point to Manning’s importance to the Colts as the reason why he is better than Brady. Is it really Brady’s fault that he plays for a first-class organization while the Colts are about as clueless as can be? Anyway, I’m hoping Brady really lights it up in this one.
PICK: TOM BRADY
How Bout Dem Cowboys @ Phoenix Cardinals
Cowboys & Romo are riding high which is NEVER a good thing. December swoon is about to set in. Patrick Peterson takes one to the hizouse (just like he did at LSU Peter King!) And besides doesn’t it seem like bad things always happen at Arizona for the Cowboys?
PICK: ARIZONA CARDINALS
Green Bay Packers @ New York NFL Giants
The Giants seem to thrive when everybody is counting them out and guess what; EVERYONE is counting them out. Everyone except one me that is. I still think the Packers defense will betray them and this looks like the perfect time for that. And sadly Eli is no stranger to dethroning undefeated teams :,(((((((((
PICK: NY GIANTS
Detroit Lions @ New Orleans Saints
Sean Payton & Jim Schwartz look like they could be long lost cousins.
PICK: NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
Games I don’t really care about or have anything witty to say but have to pick anyway due to contractual obligation
BALTIMORE over cleveland
NY JETS over washington
ATLANTA over houston
SAN FRANCISCO over st. louis (fuck the cardinals)
SAN DIEGO over jacksonville
Alright so there are my picks. Hooray for football!